En lustig dikt om Grönsakers rättighet

 VEGETARIAN’S NIGHTMARE

a dissertation on plant’s rights

Ladies and diners I make you

A shameful, degrading confession.

A deed of disgrace in the name of good taste

Though I did it, I meant no aggression.

I had planted a garden last April

And lovingly sang it a ballad.

But later in June beneath a full moon

Forgive me, I wanted a salad!

So I slipped out and fondled a carrot

Caressing its feathery top.

With the force of a brute I tore out the root!

It whimpered and came with a pop!

Then laying my hand on a radish

I jerked and it left a small crater.

Then with the blade of my True Value spade

I exhumed a slumbering tater!

Celery I plucked, I twisted a squash!

Tomatoes were wincing in fear.

I choked the Romaine. It screamed out in pain,

Their anguish was filling my ears!

I finally came to the lettuce

As it cringed at the top of the row

With one wicked slice I beheaded it twice

As it writhed, I dealt a death blow.

I butchered the onions and parsley.

My hoe was all covered with gore.

I chopped and I whacked without looking back

Then I stealthily slipped in the door.

My bounty lay naked and dying

So I drowned them to snuff out their life.

I sliced and I peeled as they thrashed and they reeled

On the cutting board under my knife.

I violated tomatoes

So their innards could never survive.

I grated and ground ‘til they made not a sound

Then I boiled the tater alive!

Then I took the small broken pieces

I had tortured and killed with my hands

And tossed them together, heedless of whether

They suffered or made their demands.

I ate them. Forgive me, I’m sorry

But hear me, though I’m a beginner

Those plants feel pain, though it’s hard to explain

To someone who eats them for dinner!

I intend to begin a crusade

For PLANT’S RIGHTS, including chick peas.

The A.C.L.U. will be helping me too.

In the meantime, please pass the bleu cheese

This poem was written by Baxter Black.